The Hunger

Winter break is finally here and boy was I waiting for it! Now that I am on break my desire to create and simply do something innovative is greater than ever. I am so overwhelmed with things that I want to do that I don't even know where to start...Do I pick up my camera and capture a moment forever in the snap of a shutter...or do I pick up my pen and orchestrate my thoughts into cleverly constructed metaphors? I was asked a couple days ago what my talent was are could not come up with an answer so I will devote my break to tapping into the creative side that cannot manifest when my head is buried between the covers of my science books. I want to begin to discover my talent(s).

"Creativity is inventing, experimenting, growing, taking risks, breaking rules, making mistakes, and having fun."

-Mary Lou Cook

Haiti Revisited

One of the Volunteers from my trip to Haiti put together this awesome video. Thank you Jenna. =D

Haiti Medical Mission from Jenna Effron on Vimeo.

"A Willow Deeply Scarred, Somebody's Broken Heart And A Washed Out Dream They Follow The Pattern Of The Wind, You See Cause They Got No Place To Be That's Why I'm Starting With Me I'm Starting With The Man In The Mirror"

-Michael Jackson

Acoustic Delights

The Roots - The Day feat. Blu, Phonte & Patty Crash from Francesco dok on Vimeo.

"Everyday is like a blank canvas. Carving my initials in the planet like I brand it."

-Blu

Too Comfortable...

I often find that I tend distance myself from people. For multiple reasons, but the situation that I find myself in now reinforces why I do that and why I find myself back at square one, rebuilding the wall I (almost) tore down. So essentially I'm making the wall higher. I treat people the way I want to be treated and when I get treated less than that I am not happy about it at all.

No matter what angle I look at it "b***h" or "n***a" will NEVER be a term of endearment. Barging into my room without knocking or putting your hands in my face even to make an example of something will never be acceptable. To me this displays the level of respect there is for me and it is a shame that people actually get mad when put in their place about these things

I am not a mean person and don't ask for much.

It is so annoying when people get too comfortable and start to forget about your standards. Sighs

If I wasn't pursuing my degree right now I would wander off into the abyss somewhere and buy my own little log cabin next to a calm stream and name it Walden or something. When I used to be that quiet person off yonder that no one ever noticed I had none of these issues.

"Each one has to find his peace from within. And peace to be real must be unaffected by outside circumstances."

Mahatma Gandhi

Haiti and such..

So school has started and it is is rough trying to balance work and other obligations, but things are fairing well. I have restarted nursing school and I am excited to be on the path to achieving my goal even though it means sacrificing 2 years of my social life.

As for my time in haiti, it was a wonderful experience...wonderful does not even encapsulate how great of an experience this was, there really are no words. I feel as though this trip reinforced my dream to be a traveling nurse and to do medical missions. I kept a journal the whole time I was there and took lots of pictures, but looking at all of that does not satisfy me, I want to actually be there again. I had to write about my experience and here is the little paragraph I wrote:

I have always desired to make an impact on the lives of everyone that I encounter, even if it is by simply sharing a smile with someone. “Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier.” These are the words of Mother Teresa and I do my best to ensure that I always uplift and help to build up the individuals that I encounter. Having the opportunity to be part of the CAMEO-IMO medical mission to Haiti, this summer was one of the most incredible adventures that I have ever experienced. This trip totally encompassed what a life changing experience should be like, from being surrounded by people who share the same selfless ambitions to actually seeing the needs of the less fortunate before your own eyes rather than on a television special. This trip further fueled my aspiration to serve and touch as many people as I can in the time that I have here on earth. People often cry or become saddened when a great thing comes to an end, but upon boarding the departing flight out of Haiti I rejoiced because I knew that this was only the beginning of a lifelong journey. After returning from Haiti, my dreams and goals feel more real and attainable. I know that all the long tiring hours spent in the library will be worth it in the end because I will be able to transcend beyond the hospital walls and serve those who simply need someone to care!

Here are some pictures:

*Click to Enlarge*

On the way to clinic:

"Leave your mark in this world, so that when you are long gone people will always remember you"

-Me =]

*Smiles*

So I Just got back from my first medical mission in Haiti on Saturday drove from Miami to Orlando (3hrs) and on Sunday drove from Orlando to Tallahassee (4hrs)...Today was the first day of school. Right now life is really hectic trying to get settled in, sleeping in the middle of boxes that need to be unpacked but I have such peace right now. Haiti was such an awesome experience and I am too excited to even articulate in words how great of an experience it was. I will post more about it soon, I just didn't want the month of August to end without me posting anything for the entire month =]

Oh and congratulations to Zoe for being born to the coolest parents ever! Hi Alisha =]

"You've got to follow your passion. You've got to figure out what it is you love--who you really are. And have the courage to do that. I believe that the only courage anybody ever needs is the courage to follow your own dream."

-Oprah Winfrey

One Year

Today marks the one year anniversary since I lost my best friend in a car wreck. I miss her. A lot.

Rest in Peace Tati, I love you.

"I love this bright shining star that God has placed in my galaxy. I pray she never falls out of place like a shooting star, but grow and create a platonic gathering of stars of her own to become that found galaxy unknown."

-From Tatiana Naar, to me

Creative Juices

As a science major I find that it's not often that I have the chance to enjoy my creative side as often as I used to. But yes, since my exam is over and the next one isn't for a month I decided to make something before I get right back to study mode. I call it the "Jar of Inspiration".

*click photo to enlarge*

It's basically a glass jar filled with quotes! I have always enjoyed making gifts for my friends when their birthdays came around and I feel that gifts are more special when it has been crafted by the very hands which it was handed to you by.

Supplies Used:

Glass jar purchased at Dollar Tree for $1

Ribbon (I got one from Dollar Tree and one from Wal-Mart)

Scrapbook paper purchased at Wal-Mart for $5:

Glue Gun purchased at Wal-Mart for $2

Pen (you can use colorful pens too)

Scissors

Your favorite quotes, verses, ayats, sayings, inside jokes, memorable moments shared with the person receiving the jar, whatever you want.

(I tweak what quotes I use depending on who and why I'm giving it to them)

If you're making this for your significant other you can spray the paper with your favorite perfume if you like ;-)

How I made it:

I first cleaned the glass jar, then I used the glue gun secure the first strip ribbon that I used (yellow/gold) to wrap around the glass.

Next I tied the second color (maroon/burgundy) in the shape of a bow and used the glue gun to place it where the yellow/gold ribbon overlaps on itself.

After that I began to write the quotes on the white side of the scrapbook paper, cut it out, folded it then placed it in the jar.

I did this until the jar was full and was finished.

*Not done yet*

Placing the jar at a work desk is the optimal place to have it. I gave one to someone who works at my school and they keep it on their desk for the students and for their own use. I also have one for myself and when I'm facing those late study nights that make me want to give up, I just pick one of the quotes out of the jar and read it. I have made about 3 or 4 of these and still have plenty scrapbook paper & ribbon left to make more, so this project is pretty easy on the pockets.

"The manner of giving is worth more than the gift."

-Pierre Corneille, Le Mentuer

Just Wanted To Say...

When I first decided that I wanted to start writing on my blog I spent hours looking for the perfect template and more time tweaking the html (I have no html knowledge) to remove the ads.

I never had one favorite color, but I really like green because it reminds me of a lot of good things.

I also knew that I wanted trees in my background because they remind me of this song that I heard when I was 16. It's called "Green Leaves" and it is by Raheem DeVaughn.

I feel that I have grown a lot in the midst of this chaotic year, and that my faith in God has gotten stronger, so I wanted the theme of my blog to embody that.

I am also feeling better since my previous posts and really just needed to rid myself of those negative feelings/vent by some means.

Hard times are like sand paper, so I will endure and look forward to the beauty in the end.

Good night.

"Take the good with the bad, the tears with the laughs and always be positive, and keep growing."

-Raheem DeVaughn

Sighs

This week has been a hard one for me. I have a test tomorrow in a class that I didn't do too well in last fall (total euphemism). I've been pulling all nighters all week and I don't like that I am putting my body through this, but I have to keep the A that I have in this class. I want to show the college of nursing that I am not dumb and that it was really the stress load that caused me not to do well.

In a previous post I mentioned that it is approaching the one year mark of when everything in my life just took a downward spiral. This screenshot is a prelude to that:

*click photo to enlarge*

Just one month and one day later, she left this earth. My best friend, Tati.

Just one year ago, around this time I was so happy, I had just gotten into the nursing program at my school (which is super competitive) and would be going to Miami in less than a month to see Tati and her family. Sighs.

Rest in Peace Tati, I love you.

This Life

This life, This life that we live,

If the masses were given a chance to describe it the adjectives would be so different.

Today I would describe her as hard, cruel, mean

When just yesterday I was on cloud 9, for she treated me like a queen.

It's only 12:24 AM, and the day has started off rough....I got writer's block as I began to write this, but the little that I did write helped me feel better.

Thank you for reading &

Goodnight.

College

The worst time of my life. I can't stand it. I can't wait to get out of here. Man I get nauseous just thinking about class...

"Asher Roth made a song about loving college...hump! He must not be a science major!"

-Me

*Sighs*

Spell it out

I've noticed that people write ILY instead of I love you now and I don't like it.

*crosses arms* hump!

"There are no shortcuts to any place worth going."

-Beverly Sills

More Technology, Yet Less Family Time?

This morning I was listening to a radio show and the topic of people always being busy came up. The radio personality also touched on how there is a decrease in the time spent with family.

I find it ironic that we have so much technology which permits us to do things quicker, or not have to do it at all, yet less time is being spent with family. There is such a antithetical dichotomy with technology. Technology has permitted us to do great things from pinpointing one's exact location on earth to discovering cures for cancer, yet in the articles that I read as a follow up seem to regard technology (internet primarily) as one the main contributors to the decrease.

After listening to the radio show I realized how I now devote less time to crocheting, drawing, writing poetry, and studying since I've been in college (I didn't include family because I'm away for school). I grew up with only one television in my house (when I think about it I didn't watch T.V. much because I worked and went to school) and didn't have a computer until the spring semester of my senior year of high school. I realized that in high school I was so much more creative than I am now and that the five minutes spent on YouTube here and the ten minutes on Facebook there add up. (time on YouTube for me easily increases because of those related videos on the side and with Facebook you go to send someone a message then next thing you know an hour later you are looking at photos).

I think I'm going to go back to checking my Facebook only on Fridays and Sundays like I used to and the same for YouTube. Hopefully I will make something, write a poem, or put more time into studying.

LINK TO ARTICLE I READ: http://www.heraldextra.com/news/national/article_680c338d-6d8d-5d27-ad50-fdb45f6c5eb9.html

OTHER GOOD ARTICLES:

http://www.digitalcenter.org/pages/recent_findings_content.asp?intGlobalId=61&intTypeId=2

http://www.statcan.gc.ca/pub/11-008-x/2006007/pdf/9574-eng.pdf

"Go...go and feel the sand nestle between your toes, let the rays of the sun kiss your face while it rises, stop and let the flowers embrace you with their aroma, allow the rain to caress every inch of your body and when you do, share that experience with someone you love."

-Me, Made this one up since I couldn't find a good quote :)

Over-The-Counter-Culture

The past week and a half have been a little rough for me and I have been a little frustrated. A little of what has me frustrated is how people can't be sad without a diagnosis. It's like you always need a pill to make you happy, you're depressed if you simply just want to be alone, or you need counseling if someone ate your last slice of pie. I'm not saying that people who are depressed, use medicine or counseling don't need it or aren't really depressed, but there are some things that people need not resort to those measures for...I feel.

I did not have the best upbringing and have been through some things that would shock people if they knew, but I find outlets for relieving me of my pain and stress. What sparked this was being offered medicine for a sad time in my life. I think it would be more appropriate for someone to request that as a means of coping rather than it being offered.

I really don't want anyone to take offense to this, I am just frustrated that it feels like every time something goes wrong in my life or I am having a low point in my life it can't be just that, "a low point", but rather has to be diagnosed as SOMETHING!

I guess that the means of coping that people choose are contingent upon their environment. For example I can't blame the rich girl who resorts to counseling because her car was taken away, meanwhile my car could breakdown right now and hoping on the city bus wouldn't be a issue. It all depends of the environment.

Whenever things seem to be going all wrong I find that I am constantly reminding myself that it was done before me, so that means it is possible and that I can do it too. After reading "Up From Slavery" by Booker T. Washington, and learning about the sacrifices he made to achieve greatness, rarely ever do I give myself excuses. For him, leaving a coal mine then walking miles to go to school, and cleaning up the building afterwards as a means to pay for his schooling wasn't enough to thwart his drive.

But yes, I feel like I've said enough. Enjoy the song =]

"They got a pill for my erection, a pill for my depression..."

-Donnie

Today...

was hard, but I know that tomorrow is a chance to make it better.

"Blessed is the man that endureth..."

-James 1:12

Great News!

I Just found out that I will be going to Haiti on a medical mission later this summer and I am ecstatic! I will be going with an organization named CAMEO (Caribbean American Medical Educational Organization). I am first generation American, my parents and my siblings were all born in Haiti. I still have a sister in Haiti with her children who were all displaced by the earthquake on January 12, 2010. I am excited to go see her and to be in Haiti period. I will take many pictures that I intend on posting on my blog.

Until next time...

"Everybody can be great. Because anybody can serve. You don't have to have a college degree to serve. You don't have to make your subject and your verb agree to serve.... You don't have to know the second theory of thermodynamics in physics to serve. You only need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love."

-Martin Luther King Jr.

Significance

Today I had an experience that reinforced my philosophy that no one is insignificant, nor should they be treated as such. Too often do we hurt people and make them feel less than either intentionally or unintentionally. You never know what state a person is in. You never know what impact a smile or snide remark can have on a person. Some may think that it is not that serious, but you can change the outcome of someone's life. Sometimes we create monsters by taking one's kindness for weakness or by being just plain mean. After losing someone to suicide I became more determined than ever to spread love wherever I go, even to those I may not think deserve it (people with nasty attitudes)...sometimes it is them that need it the most.

To expand on this a little bit more: When those who have high prestige or are popular reach out to those in the margins who are less social or known, not only does that keep you grounded and show character, It sets an example for others to do the same.

Smile at someone/Make someone smile today. =]

"Spread love everywhere you go. Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier."

-Mother Teresa

I have Decided.

So as the one year mark of when things in my life began to go awry approaches, I have decided to put to use this blog which I have had for a little over a year and a half now. I have learned so much about myself and have filtered out ways of dealing that were detrimental (keeping everything to myself) and I have discovered ways of dealing that are healthier (talking to folks). Among the things that I have discovered to be healthier forms of dealing is blogging. With blogging (this is gonna be hard for me to explain, but here it goes) you are still talking....venting...releasing your feelings and emotions, yet you don't have to deal with the interruptions, non verbal judgement, or the actual individual...

With writing/blogging you place all of your emotions on paper (in this case the character box) and then you can go back and rearrange your thoughts to convey exactly what you mean. With people you can't do that. You can't take back words or erase something said and start over. Paper is more lenient I guess =]

For me blogging is not as public as Facebook , the people who may stumble upon my blog may do so in search of something relative to what I discuss (not too sure of what I will be posting yet) Basically they would not have discovered my blog because there is a link posted on my Facebook page or because I told them to come. So in the end even if my lovely niece is still my only follower I will still be happy with my decision to have started this blog because I would have still helped someone even if it was just myself =]

"Decision is a risk rooted in the courage of being free."
Paul Tillich